Hey, Western Canada: You're too far away!

1,875 miles. That's the distance from Detroit to Calgary. Add another 200 miles to that, and you get the total for Detroit's two-day trip to Western Canada for games against the Flames and the Edmonton Oilers. Now I'm not a big-time geographer or anything, but anyplace that I can't get to after three straight weeks of walking shouldn't be on the Red Wings' schedule. And it's in Canada? Jeez, and I thought this was the National Hockey League.

I kid; of course we need these Canadian teams in the league. Who else would we turn to when we need someone to lose a Stanley Cup to great hockey cities like Carolina, Tampa Bay, and Anaheim?

Anyway, I'll start with the Red Wings' 5-3 loss to the Flames on Monday night. It was bull-poo, poo-head, and this poo is cold. The Flames got an empty-net goal near the end to seal the win, but when the score was 3-1 in the third, the quick-in-every-sense-of-the-word Calgary referees blew the game with a fast whistle that negated a Red Wings goal and saved Kipper's Finnish buns (which, coincidentally, sounds like a bad seafood restaurant you'd find in Western Canada). The Flames would soon after add another goal to make it 4-1, but the resilient Wings came back with two of their own to cut the lead to one. And, if you're keeping score at home, that means the game would have been tied if the referees didn't ruin everything. Grrrr. A tough, playoff-type game against a good team on the road and that's the difference-maker? Annoying. But, in all fairness to the zebras, if it weren't for Ozzie's three pillowy-soft goals to open the game, the Wings would have won without a problem. Apparently those pieces of his game I mentioned he was picking up were for a completely different puzzle. Maybe they fit better in this one?

As for the Edmonton game, the Red Wings scored three goals in the third and absolutely took it to the Oilers after the first period. While a few Wings looked like magicians with sticks (Datsyuk, Franzen, and Hossa come to mind), I felt like the rest of the team was trying to make too many passes instead of firing it on Rolosieve. And that's insane because the Red Wings still had more than 40 shots! But, Rolosieve is Rolosieve and ya know...those goals were comin' one way or another. I thought Conklin looked alright in net too, except for the first goal he allowed. He was wayy out of position and his wave-at-the-place-he-hoped-the-puck-was move didn't work nearly as well as he hoped. But the Wings won, inching them a point ahead of the Sharks once again for the league lead.

The Red Wings' next game is at home against the Islanders on Friday, which should be completely expected if they win and hair-pullingly aggravating if they lose, considering the Isles are the worst team in hockey by a wide margin. In fact, they're so bad that it's almost like they're on their own island of awfulness! Ha ha! Oy, I should've stopped with Rolosieve. That seriously was a work of art though. Took me almost eight seconds in Paint. Put that on your sixteenth chapel and smoke it, Michelangelo.

I'm done, I swear. Goodnight all, way to go Wings.