Monday, August 24, 2009

10 Reasons My Life is Better than Rosby's

Much like every morning this summer since the fateful night of June 12th, 2009, this morning I woke up with a taste of hatred. It often doesn't last long and I'm able to overcome the feeling, but today I've just been hating hating hating on that whiny little Penguins bitch Cindy Rosby. Today the feeling stuck with me all day and has kept me in a sour mood, until now.

In an effort to alleviate some of that hatred and also count my blessings in a way, here's 10 reasons that I came up with as to why I'm 100% glad to be Cameron Kittle and not whiny little Penguins bitch Cindy Rosby.
  1. I've touched the Stanley Cup and I had to fellate exactly zero NHL Commissioners to do it.
  2. I've never sucker-punched another man in the nether regions.
  3. My name isn't Sidney.
  4. I went to college.
  5. I'm not widely hated by an entire sport's fanbase.
  6. I can truthfully say in my shortened hockey career that I never once dived to draw a penalty.
  7. I don't sleep in a crib or ask for a pacifier when I need to calm down.
  8. I don't demand my boss to pay me a ridiculous salary just because I'm good at what I do.
  9. I earned the only 'C' I ever wore in hockey, even if it was in Pee Wees.
  10. I'm not a bitch.
Ahh. That's better. As I always say...a Rosby-rant a day keeps the hatred at bay.


Animal Drew said...

Wonderful. Absolute gold.

Chris said...

Awesome man, six months late, but I hope the complement still inspires.