NHL Predictions

All these damned NHL predictions are popping up everywhere. The Triple Deke's got some, ESPN's so-called "experts" have chipped in their worthless two cents and I've decided to jump on the bandwagon. So, no bow or frills attached, here's a few things you should expect to see on the ice in 2009-2010.

• Neither the Blackhawks nor the Capitals are making a run for the Cup. Sorry. Too much hype, too little goaltending, too shitty coaching. They'll be fun to watch, but everywhere I look people are picking the Caps and the Hawks, the Caps and the Hawks. Enough people. They're both above-average teams that don't have what it takes to win a championship. As Puckin' Right boldly suggests, I'm not even sure if the Hawks have what it takes to come in second in the Central. Speaking of which...
  
• The Red Wings will win the Central again. They always do. We'll see about the postseason, but for now, there's nothing in this world that says the Wings won't at least win the Central and get a top two seed in the West.
• The Penguins will be sucked into a black hole and disappear forever, never to return again as an NHL team. President Obama celebrates the occasion and declares a National Holiday where we sit around and eat cupcakes while insulting Rosby's unborn children.

That's all I'm predicting. I didn't say I'd have much, but I don't care enough to look up how the Atlanta Thrashers are going to do this year, so I'll stick to what I know: the Hawks and Caps are being ridiculously overrated right now, the Wings will win the Central and the Pens will no longer exist by the end of the year and the world will be better for it. I'll be waiting with that "I told you so" in June.